When I was a teen at home I used to stay up late on the weekends as most teens do and I remember, very vividly a commercial that would come on and say "It's 11:00pm, do you know where your children are?" I used to giggle and think, how crazy it was. Well, last night I thought of that commercial and the question it pondered, and it wasn't so funny or crazy anymore. You see, Hannah left for Liberty University's CFAW yesterday (College For A Weekend) and although I knew the place she was at, I did not "really" know where she was or who she was with. It gave me the triple "S" feeling...Sobering, Saddening, and Sickening. She is in an environment where the decisions are hers....all hers. Is she ready for that? Have I instructed enough? That was part of the sobering. She is after all my baby. Is it really possible that she is old enough to be looking for colleges?....Leaving the nest? Oh yes, that is definitely saddening. This is another one of those milestones in a parent/child relationship. More of them becoming independent and more letting go required on our part. This is another step toward....oh, I can barely say it....an .....EMPTY NEST!...Oh girlfriends, that is sickening. Well, there they are...the triple "S" feelings. Have you been through them yet? ...If so...you can relate and pray for me. If you haven't, I'll pray for you.
I am very thankful that Hannah is healthy and developing as God intended, but it is hard to think that the job I have had for over 20 years of being a mom that makes sure her two girls are fed, clothed, instructed, carried here and there, loved, nutured, nursed them to health, spent every waking minute caring for them, ...that job is about to hand me a pink slip. I don't know how to do anything else. Hope is getting married and Hannah is looking at colleges. Those are paths that I can't travel with them....they don't "want" me to travel with them. Wow...how hurtful!! (just kidding) This is definitely uncharted territory for me. Every part of my life is changing....I'll be darned if after 24 years of trying to learn how to cook well and feeling like I have it half mastered....I even have to change that! It doesn't take near as much food for 2 as it does for 6. (the girls and their guys, Doug and I) Renea has that problem figured out, she said "Cook the same amount and sell the extra plates...I'll buy one!"....lol..she's crazy!
As I sit and think about these things which lately seems to be all the time, I always end up with the same thought. Jesus will NEVER leave me. Hebrews 13:5. He has always been the one to sustain me. He is the one who gave Doug and I those girls that are so precious to me. He is the one who I went to when I didn't know what to do as a parent. He is the one that saw me through the sleepless nights when they were sick. He is the one that held my hand through every surgery they had and every broken bone, stitches and boo boo they received. He is the one that I taught them about. I told them Jesus loves them (I John 4:19), has a plan for them (Jer. 29:11), died for them (John 3:16), prepared a home for them (John 14:2), and that Jesus will never change (Hebrews 13:8). My faith in Him is stronger than ever and because of that I know I'll make it through this life change as well. And while I know there will be days my heart will ache for my girls because they aren't in our home, I have no doubt my Lord's presence will be evident and very sweet because you see, I'm His little girl and he knows what I need. Amen!
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